Follow Me + Sum Shit Premiere
Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, Salt Lake City, UT
It was nearly 6:30 and Dylan was still in line at Panda Express. That meant he had to get his food, come pick me up, drive downtown, find parking, and make it into the museum all before seven o’clock. The Impaler video started at seven o’clock, or so we had heard. I sat on my couch watching Birdman with Michael Keaton until I got a text from Dylan saying he was out front. Then I hopped into the back of his van, and we drove towards the city.
The van was full. Dyl was holding it down as DD while Jack Warble rode shotgun. The back of the van consisted of Me, Jack Elliston, Claire Turner, Colleen Lawler, and Payton Nagy. It was a good crew. However, none of us realized the Jazz were playing Portland at the Vivint Arena so as we sat in downtown traffic all of our nerves began to wear thin. It was 7:15 and the collective mood in the van was, “fuck it”. We needed to find parking at whatever the cost. We had been driving around for too long. Dylan pulled into a paid parking lot and immediately snaked a car that had been waiting for the spot we took with its blinker on. Not a move I would’ve made. I felt like a mob wife, morally opposed to the behavior on every level but still completely willing to reap the rewards. We jumped out of the van and quickly walked down the street to escape the situation. The air was cool and before I knew it, we were there. We were at the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art.
At first glance, the juxtaposition astounded me. MOCA is a beautiful and elegant building. Once inside, every wall is adorned with magnificent artwork. I wouldn’t be surprised if the total value of the building and its contents exceeded a hundred million dollars. And then there was us. And then there was a group of snowboarders in baggy clothes sucking down free Natty Lights like it was the last thing we’d ever drink. But time went on. I mingled, had a few beers, walked around, and it all made sense to me. MOCA was the perfect venue for a snowboard premiere. Is there no art more contemporary than snowboarding? I don’t believe there is. And everything that comes with snowboarding, that’s art too. I found myself at the Kim’s Gift Shop table talking to Alexa about the bedazzled “Purebred Bitch” hoodie and “Angels Are Just Misunderstood Demons” crewneck. They’re artists, I always knew that, but as I’d later learn after watching the video, they’re geniuses too.
The theater was just that, a theater. There was rowed seating so, unlike pretty much every other premiere, there wasn’t a bad seat in the house. We filed in for the first video of the night, Sum Shit, by the good homies at Impaler. I thought we’d missed the video when we showed up closer to 7:30 than 7:00, but it’s snowboarding. Everybody was late and the video was pushed back. God bless.
I feel like I might just be preaching to the converted here. If you’re reading this, chances are you already know that Impaler does not miss. How could they? They’re always the first thing I think of when I think of Midwest boarding and the Midwest is the first thing I think of when I think of great boarding. I mean… am I wrong? Sum Shit was no different. It did not miss. Shoutout Chuck eating way more than just some shit. Jesus, that man can take a hit. I don’t really know what else to say about him other than he’s a warrior, and a great one at that. And then, of course, Mike Liddle. This was the first part Mike filmed since becoming a father. I’m sure that experience changed him but you couldn’t tell from his part. Classic Mike in every form. It was perfect.
The Impaler video ended, the crowd went wild, and after a short intermission, we were all back for round two.
Cue the gothic music.
The back door opened and a few of the Future Shock homies walked in carrying a coffin. They set it down and out pops the one and only Turdlord, AKA, Matt Coughlin. The theater erupts in cheers. Matty gets on the mic and explains that this was originally supposed to be a “five-year retirement part” but he decided to release it early.
Thank you for that.
Follow Me played almost as a fuck you to everybody who says Salt Lake is out of spots. This video was filmed almost entirely in Utah. I also need to point out that this video didn’t miss either. Honestly, I couldn’t’ve asked for much more. JMO got redemption. Zeach shot out into 1300 East. Alexa went up a knobbed rail. And Matt, in a brilliant call back, coffin slid a building. There wasn’t a quiet moment in the theater. It was nonstop cheers from start to finish. Also, if you weren’t at the premiere, you’ll never see what we saw. After the video Matt said this was the one and only showing of the “premiere” version. A shorter, more 2022 attention span friendly, version of the video will drop online. There were groans, grumblings, Katie Kennedy called out in disagreement. I don’t know though; I like that idea. I can say that I was part of a group that experienced something nobody else will. It makes the video more special.
Matt finished his post video speech by announcing an after party at The International. I told myself before the premiere I wasn’t going to go out. Seeing as I’m currently unemployed I figured it’d be wise to go home once the free beer ran dry. But my mood had drastically changed after the two amazing video. Before I knew it, I was back in Dylan’s van, and we were headed towards The International. We pulled up and I made a, what I thought would be, solo detour. I went to the arepa restaurant next to the bar and ran into a group of friends too big to name. I devoured my arepa and ran back over to The International. The fog machine and techno music were in full swing. I had a few drinks. Next thing I knew I was sticking my head through the handles of a push shovel while trying to squeeze in the back of JMO’s car. We drove (with a DD) to WHY KIKI for a silent disco. I don’t like silent disco’s so as quick as we got there, we left.
Payton and I took an uber back to our house and door dashed some Del Taco. I’m a vegetarian and got a veggie burrito. The burrito came with meat in it. I felt defeated. Trout happened to be up when we got home. I gave him my burrito and he seemed to enjoy it more than I ever could’ve. We turned on the television. After that I ate some pasta.
